2014 is finally over! One of my worst years, personally, and in business. For the last several weeks, I have been waiting for the year to change. I’d even started dating my documents with the new year, only having to correct myself once, whereas before, I’d have to do so, trying to get used to the idea of putting in the new numbers. It hasn’t been easy for me, physically, mentally, and especially emotionally.
With my best friend of thirty years gone, I had to learn to live without his protection. Luckily, shortly after he died, I reunited with someone who I hadn’t seen in a few years who I can lean on, but I am still getting used to the idea of having someone else fill those shoes. He reminds me a lot of my old friend, he knows when I need him, even from a far, he can see the look on my face of pain and anguish, even though I try my damnedest to hide it.
He understands my feelings of sadness, anger, frustration. He instills feelings of love, calmness, and wants to help me heal. He is my friend, my confidant, and my mentor. He is someone I can talk to without being judged. Someone I can turn to when my husband is out of reach, or impossible to talk to, which happens often these days, due to misunderstanding, drunkeness, or just simply no interest. Everyone needs someone like that. After David died, I never expected to find that again in someone else. I am very lucky.
The last few months, I have been so ready for the year to end. The urge to jump into the new year has been strong. Every one agrees that it will be s good year. I have already seen change around me. The people, their thoughts, their attitudes, their ambitions. Making plans, setting goals, adding to their wish lists with more promising thoughts.
A fellow writer was commenting on the fact that he hadn’t wriiten as many poems/songs as he normally does in a years time, just didn’t have the motivation. When I heard that, I reflected back on my year of writing and realized I hadn’t written as much either. Just no motivation. My heart just wasn’t in it. One of the goals, or hopes anyway, is that I can bring myself to write more. Of course, I’ve been working on my fictional, but when it comes from deep within the heart, it’s always in a song or poem. And it’s real, not just a story.
So, with the new year comes new avenues, new dreams, new terms, new ambitions. Welcome, 2015.