December 4, 2013
Awakened by tears again as they drench my pillow. I looked at my phone and saw that it was 4:30…too early to be awake, hard to fall back asleep. David should be up by now, having his morning coffee, making breakfast for the kids. I’ll send him a message…oh, wait a minute, he’s gone.
That’s been happening a lot lately. It’s been hitting hard to realize that he’s no longer with us. Although I still feel his presence in my heart, my brain tells me no. But it’s not easy to let go of all that after having him a part of my life for so many years. I feel the urges to talk to him. I miss his voice, I miss his messages.
I look at his photo and I think about him and what we’d been through as friends. Years of life changing events, of memories I will always hang on to and cherish, of thoughts and secrets shared and locked away in our hearts, safe and sound. The worst of all is that there is no bringing him back. I will never hear his voice again, telling me that he loves me and reassuring me that everything will be okay.