My Emptiness

I don’t know why, but I have been having a very difficult time with my writing as of late. My biggest purpose for writing is to heal my heart and soul, but the last few weeks, I’ve been lost. Absent. Empty. Unsure what I’m doing or where I’m going. The other day, I went and sat at the aquarium for two hours, with my pen and pad in hand, and all I could do is stare at the fish in the tank. A little girl came and sat next to me. She put her hand on my knee, and all I could do was break down into tears, trying desperately to hide them, but exploded when she walked off with her mom.

Usually, when I can’t write, I will take myself to the other side and write an erotic story, which usually helps me release my anger and my pain, but I haven’t even been able to do that as of late. I guess this is part of the reason you haven’t seen me here lately. Feeling as though I have nothing to say, nothing to contribute. After all, my healing is why I was brought here in the first place, right?

I don’t know, I’m just a bit flustered.

This morning I started another fictional story, intended to be an erotic one, but it’s just not going that way. Maybe the beginning of something different? I don’t know. We’ll see just where it takes me.

Sisters & Lost Times

One thing I have always felt badly about was leaving Maui when my sisters were almost too young to remember what I was going through. I was a teenager in pain, and I needed to leave. Now, they are beautiful adults, with their own lives, their own families, and although we aren’t as close as I’d like to be, our visits are always wonderful times that never last long enough for us to really make that special connection. To really get to know each other the way sisters should.

The past couple of days were great, and again, too short. This time, I cried when she left. I apologized for not being there for her as I should have and she told me not to worry, she knows, she understands. I’m just glad she had other sisters around her to keep her company.

I just hope that there’s a way I can become close to the three of them again. To make up for the lost years.

Anniversary Week II

This last week has been a real whirlwind for me… With the 15th anniversary of my business, and the 25th anniversary with my husband.  We started off the celebration by camping at our favorite Boy Scout camp down the coast with my father in law, who came up from Southern California. The last couple of times we camped with him, we went to the Grand Canyon, but this year we wanted to go somewhere closer. We chose this particular camp as both he and my husband spent many summers down there as scouts and it’s always been one of their favorite places to be.  Mine, too. 

We arrived just in time on Tuesday to see them removing the dam that they put in for the summer to form a swimming lake for the scouts during the summer. They were also about to remove the fish ladder that’s put in with the dam so the fish can continue their routes through the river. There were a few other major improvements made to the camp since we’d been their last. A new cafeteria, a new archery range, and a new community fire pit with actual bleachers, replacing the old logs that the kids sat on previous.  Our tent was right next to the river, which was heavenly, especially at night, when not another sound was heard. I love just laying there, listening to the water flow through. Heavenly. It was really nice getting away from the every day scene and just spending a few days in the wilderness with no worries around us.


On Saturday night, we had a big anniversary party at our favorite pub. A bunch of wonderful friends came to help us celebrate, including a couple surprise visits I wasn’t expecting which really made my weekend even more special! The pub provided us with appetizers and pool tables, and a chocolate cake. I couldn’t believe I walked out of there with a bill for just $7.00!!  lol  It was a wonderful week, a wonderful night. One that will remain in my thoughts for a while. And to top it all off, my sister will be visiting on Thursday. I haven’t seen her in…I’m ashamed to say how long…  What other surprises does September hold for me, I wonder?

Anniversary week

This next week brings to me two milestone anniversaries. On September first, my business turned 15 years old,and on the seventh, my husband and I will be celebrating 25 years of marriage.

We always celebrate these two anniversaries together with one big party, inviting friends and customers to join us. This year, we are telling our invitees to invite their friends as well, we want this to be a big one. The party will be at our favorite Billiards, where there is lots of room to eat, drink, play some pool and the oversized Jenga that someone made for them. Not sure just how big the party will be, but I told people to invite others, so we’ll see.

The few days before will be fulfilled with a camping trip to Pico Blanco. I’ll tell you more when I get back. For now, I’d better go pack.