Okay, I’ve done a few of these challenges before, and the fun thing about them is that every one is different.
I am Cricket, otherwise known as the Silentwriter180. The main reason for this name is that I am a writer of poetry, songs, and short stories. Most of which are for my own therapy & healing of my heart & soul, and very seldom get shared with others. The 180 comes from the fact that when I get really frustrated on a current project, I tend to “do a 180” and write an erotic story. It’s the best way I can let out my emotions and anger. Once it is done, I can relax and continue with my project. I have my own business in the dive industry. Other than writing, I enjoy quilting, crafting, and scrabble. I have very few photos of myself, but here’s one of me and my boys on a lazy day, going through my sewing catalogs.
The tears in my eyes are unseen
The sound of my voice is unheard
The warmth of my hug is unknown
The love of my kiss is unfelt.
(This is the original version of When You Look At Me, posted just before)
Thoughts of a broken heart
When you looked at me with your loving eyes,
Tell me just what did you see?
When you held my hand with your loving touch,
Tell me just what did you feel?
When you heard my voice ring out to you,
Tell me just what did you hear?
When you buried your nose behind my ear,
Tell me just what did you inhale?
When you closed your eyes to kiss me,
Tell me just what did you dream?
I ask myself those questions every day
As your memory continues to haunt me.
Wishing I had just one more day in your arms
Just one more day to tell you that I love you
One more day to say……………Goodbye.
When you look at me with your loving eyes,
Tell me just what do you see?
When you hold my hand with your loving touch,
Tell me just what do you feel?
When you hear my voice ring out to you
Tell me just what do you hear?
When you bury your nose behind my ears,
Tell me just what do you inhale?
When you close your eyes to kiss me,
Tell me just what do you dream?
Although I don’t have any children of my own, Mothers Day has always been very special to me, on both ends of the spectrum. Of course, there is my mother. A wonderful woman who rescued and adopted me when I was very young, taking me to the beautiful state of Hawaii, where she grew up. She gave me a very special life on a farm in the valleys of Maui. An incredible place to spend my childhood. She gave me her love and support voluntarily, from her heart. Something I will always be extremely grateful for. I have always wanted to find a way to pay her back for that, and was saddened by the fact that I was unable to give her grandchildren, as I was unable to bear children of my own. But, the one thing I could do was help other children as she did me. But, instead of adopting them, I did it in another way. I became a “surrogate” mom, for lack of a better term. No, I did not carry children for other women, as the term suggests, but I took these children under my wing, and gave them my heart. I opened my door, my home, a place that they could come to when they couldn’t go home, a refuge. I gave them my ears when they needed someone to talk to. I gave them a place to sleep when things were too rough at home. I gave them my kitchen table when they needed a quite place to do their homework, and sometimes even a meal when they were hungry. I gave them use of my couch and television when they just wanted to come over and hang out. I gave them advice when they didn’t know how to go about things. I gave them a smile and a hug when they needed some love.
I do love these kids as though they were my own. They made me feel whole. I never really looked at it as though I was a parent, until one of them gave me roses and a Mothers Day card, thanking me for my love and friendship. Even one of the mothers came to me and told me that I was a second mother and that she was very happy that her son had me in his life. That’s when I realized that what I was doing was instrumental in these kids lives. To this day, I have eight wonderful children and three beautiful grandchildren. And I couldn’t be prouder to call these kids my children. They are definitely a part of my life, my family, and I love them all dearly as though I’ve brought them into this world.
In a world of silence
I feel I belong
With no one to talk to
I cry my own song
Looking out to the sea
As those walking by
Won’t even look at me
I try to remember
Just who I’ve been
But the visions I have
Just blow off in the wind
So here I still sit
By the oceans salt air
As I suffer in silence
Alone, saddened and scared.
One thing I remember about May 1st when I was growing up is that it was always eventful at all the schools. Full of song and dance and good feelings amongst everyone around. And for us at school, it was a sure sign that summer was right around the corner.
The elementary school I went to was pretty big with at least 100-150 kids in each of the five grades. Each grade performed one or two dances on the large lawn in the middle of the school. The parents helped with the costumes and the teachers taught us the dances. We never knew just what the other classes were doing until their performance on May Day.
Some of the parents who wanted to get involved helped us in making our costumes and leis, which were a big part of the festivities. Then, if they could, they would come attend the show.
We had plumeria trees in our yard. The plumeria is the most popular and a available flower for making leis. It is a beautiful 5-petal flower with a somewhat hollow stem that makes it easy to stick a needle through. The aroma is like a soft perfume, not too strong. We would make as many leis as we could with what we had at home and bring them to share with the others.
I am sad to say that I don’t remember what we did in the intermediate or high schools for May Day. If the celebrations were just as big, or if the performances were smaller. My mind is blank. It hurts to both remember these things. I feel as though I’ve lost a part of my life. More of my soul, of who I am.
His eyes so blue, so deep and so tender. The way he looked at me when my tears fell. He could see the sadness and the fear within me as he reached out to touch me.
I so wanted to feel his hand upon my cheek, but I was still shaken and terrified by the painful experience I’d just had only months before. He somehow knew how I was feeling and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me and bring back those horrifying moments. So, he pulled back.
Our eyes still locked together. I could see that he felt my pain and my anger, my sadness and my fear.
The way those eyes looked at me was soothing. They spoke to me, telling me that I would be alright, even though he didn’t say a word. I could hear them as they whispered at me. His eyes told me that he would never hurt me. That he would protect me.
I’ll never forget those eyes, so deep and so blue.
I’ll never forget those eyes, so loving and so true.
I’ll never forget those eyes, as they haunt me still today.
I’ll never forget those eyes, though gone, they still look my way.
Sitting on the park bench
Staring at the bay
Crying out to spirits
That haunt me everyday
Wishing they would leave me
At peace to fall asleep
Instead they come to poke me
And grab my soul to keep
I tell them that my heart hurts
And is crumbling as it falls
But they just keep on laughing
As their fires burn the wall
I sit here with my writing
At loss in what to say
All I can do is stare
At the horizon of the bay
The tears begin to fall
As the spirits call my name
Suddenly I’m weeping
As I try to put out the flame
Here I am alone
Or lonely as it will
As the emptiness within me
Fills my soul with nothing still
The spirits they still haunt me
As every day begins
They know what I am feeling
Yet they still hurt me within
You’ve filled my heart with love
With happiness and joy
A feeling so strong and willed
That nothing could destroy
I often wake in tears
Wishing you were here
But in my dreams you visit
Makes you feel so near
Yet when I reach out to you
As far as I can go
You disappear before me
As if you’re saying “no”
Your spirit still lives within me
As if you’re really here
Yet I know that you are gone
And I’m left standing with no one near.