My cats always know when I’m not okay. Just the other day, I was sitting on the couch with my pen and pad, trying to write about something that really hurt. The memories were horrific, and I was having a very difficult time with it. I was stuck back in that world again, oblivious to what was happening around me at the moment, when suddenly one of my cats climbed onto my lap, crawled up my chest, and kissed my cheek with his cold wet nose. I came out of my current state, and looked at him. He had a very solemn look on his face and was purring. He very quietly meowed. Sounded as though there was a question mark at the end of that comment. I wiped away my tears, and told him I was okay. He stepped down off my chest and curled up in my lap. There was no way he was going to leave me alone. He knew I needed him.
When pieces of my heart fall onto the ground,
There is no sight to see, nor do I hear a sound,
All I know is the feeling of emptiness within….
Last week, I went back up to Stanford to see the original doctor I saw in August 2017. I didn’t see him during the times that I was going through all the tests, but he was the one who originally ordered them and received the results of the tests.
During the visit, he went through each test with me, explained why each test was taken, and the results of these tests. Overall, they found a scar about the size of a human pinky in the left side of the brain. They are unsure if it’s the only reason I am having seizures, but it could be a big part of it.
He is afraid to remove it with laser surgery, as it may affect my memory system, which I must admit, I’ve already lost a bit of it. But, yes, I can understand that.
What he suggested is a chip. He showed me what it looks like and what it does. It’s about the size of a silver dollar, maybe a little smaller. It will be implanted on the left side where my seizures tend to start. What this chip does, basically, is it watches for seizures to begin, and when they do, that chip activates and stops the seizures from going any further. If the seizures are starting in other places, wires can be added and directed in the directions needed. Wires can be placed and removed as needed.
We agreed that the scar, if removed can never be replaced, whereas, if a chip is put in, it can always be taken out.
My dosages of medications have been changed. One has been increased, while the other has been decreased. If that works, we may not need the surgery at all. I will be seeing this doctor again in four months to see how I’m doing on the new dosages of the medications.
Time will tell.
David is dearly remembered today on what would have been his 50th birthday. It’s been five years since I’ve had the chance to call him to wish him a great day. The only thing I can do now is go sit at the beach and be with his spirit.
I have just taken my 5th MRI, and will be put in again in May. I must say that the more I go up there, the more tired I get. The travel time from Monterey to Stanford can be a two hour drive, depending on traffic. This last one, we got up there early, earlier than I had expected, so I sat in the waiting room for a considerable amount of time. Luckily, I had thought enough to take my quilting project up with me, just in case.
Of course, all of the MRI’s I’ve taken are different. The last one I had taken in February was a functional MRI, in which I needed to remain awake and identify items on a screen and just what they do and what their functions are in our lives. I almost fell asleep during the ‘breaks’ but they wouldn’t allow it.
This latest one was what they called a PET MRI. During this one, they wanted me to relax as much as I could. They even allowed me to sleep, stating that it would be great if I could. The first half hour that I was there, they put me in a dark room and told me to relax. I was so tired from the drive, that I closed my eyes and was almost asleep when I was interrupted by the gentleman who was assigned to take care of me. He came in with an injection of some kind of radiation, then left me for another half hour, hoping I’d go to sleep again. I was close, but not quite.
He then took me into the room that included the machine and computers, where I was introduced to another technician. When they were laying me on the table, I was so groggy, I had a hard time getting myself settled without help. I just about fell asleep before they got me completely into the machine. I was in there for about an hour, but being that I was sleeping, it didn’t seem like it had been that long when they woke me up.
The ride home was a bit longer than the one up to Stanford. I tried to sleep through it, but for some reason I couldn’t. I just closed my eyes, but there were too many thoughts going through my mind. Mainly what are they going to find, and just how many more tests are they going to put me through before deciding just what they are going to do and where.
I must say that this test exhausted me. Not that the others didn’t but it took me about three days to fully recover, and on the fourth day, I had a seizure at 6:00 in the morning, and when I an writing this 12 hours later, I am still feeling the side affects. I am pretty sure that this is due to lack of sleep the last couple of nights.
I am hoping that I will be seizure free by the end of the year, with either a computer chip implant or laser surgery. I’m tired.
A business trip to San Francisco presented me with another classic incidental wildlife spotting opportunity. I had read about the legendary Pier 39 and the California Sea lions that spend their days sunbathing there, so I tagged a weekend on to my trip, and after a great day of photographing hummingbirds in Golden Gate Park, I […]
On Thursday, January 25th, I went back to Stanford for another test.
(I thought I had posted this earlier, but it came up as a draft)
On October 16, I checked into Stanford Hospital to be hooked up to an EEG machine for longer than the few minutes at my local care facility. In the past, my tests didn’t show anything as I did not have any seizures during the time when I was hooked up.
When we arrived (my husband was driving) the front of the hospital was super busy with what looked like valet parking, something we didn’t need for just a drop off. I got out of the car and he drove away. I entered the hospital and found my way around the hustle bustle, as I had directions to where I was going. In the neurological section, I was greeted by a young man who knew who I was, as I had called before leaving Monterey and told him that I was on my way.
Although I was set up in a room with another woman, we had to wait until one was available. I had no problem with that. The only reason I wanted a separate room was so that my mother could stay with me. Luckily, she had in-laws she could stay with in the meantime.
Shortly after I arrived, I was set up in bed with 24 electrode pasted to my head. The doctors came to visit me, and my mother arrived, as she had flown from Maui to be with me throughout. She and I have been through so much with my epilepsy and this was just another step for us. We both wanted her to be there. That night, they took me off one of my meds to try and encourage a seizure to hit. The gave me a button to push if I should ever feel a seizure coming on. They had a 24 hour/day monitor on me so they could keep an eye on me in case I needed some extra help.